Phineas and Ferb Porno Story: A Fresh Villain – Chapter Two

A New Villain

Disclaimer: Most songs
I use in this fic are actually ones I wrote myself. Occasionally, I
might throw in an already existing song, but its unlikely.

To recap the previous
chapter, which you probably dont want right now, it started off as
a typical day. Phineas and Ferb decided to build a rocket and
Candace tried to bust them. Sadly, her only parent to turn to was
her father, and he was in no condition to look for himself.
Meanwhile, Perry had set out to do what he always did, fight the
towns main criminal, and Linda left to the store. And now let us
continue our daring story of heroism, bravery and, most important of
all, ending the boredom of Summer Vacation.

Candace sighed and
looked out the window, watching her brothers build their rocket. She
couldnt believe it. She had lost the will to bust them. She was
letting them have the kind of fun a mother would not allow and she
didnt care.

What happened to
me? she asked herself, What drove me to give up?

Then she turned on a CD
and music started to play and sang along with the rhythm;

I spent so much time
trying to bust them, and stop them from all their mischief and
mayhem. I had the proof in front of me, but mother never saw them
acting free free from all rules. All those dangerous tools. In
the end, they never really hurt anyone. I was really hoping this
battle would be won, but getting them in trouble is an impossible
task.

(Wouldnt be Phineas
and Ferb without musical numbers, eh?)

Meanwhile, Dr.
Doofenshmirtz was laughing maniacally in front of his death ray.

Yes, the new death
ray is complete! he shouted laughing insanely some more, and
soon, all of the tri-state areas beef will be VAPORIZED!!! But
first, I will watch a nice flick tonight. I wonder where I keep my
popcorn.

Suddenly, a smash of
glass was heard as a familiar blue platypus entered the lab and the
mad doctor groaned. If there was anything he hated more than
failure, it was Perry. Perry would always foil his plans, time and
time again.

PERRY THE PLATYPUS!
he shouted with discontent in his seemingly forced German accent,
How unexpected, and of course, by unexpected I mean TOTALLY
EXPECTED!!!!

Then he looked at his
DVD player and said, But first, I was going to watch a flick. You
wanna watch with me? I just remembered I keep my popcorn at the
back.

Perry simply kicked
Doofenshmirtz in the face and slapped him with his beaver tail. Then
he pinned the Scientist to the ground as a voice said, Laser
activating in 3 minutes.

HAH!
Doofenshmirtz laughed, Youre too late, Perry the Platypus! In
3 minutes, the death ray will fill up the entire world, vaporizing
every cow in existence, and to make things even better, THERE IS NO
OFF SWITCH!!!!

Perry had to admit, the
mad doctor had gone all-out with this one. Normally, all of his
plans had major flaws to them, but this one seemed flawless. No off
switch? What was a platypus to do?

Then as the mad doctor
laughed a maniacal laugh, the mammal devised a plan. He opened up
the back of the laser and cut the lead wire shorting it out
completely and causing it to malfunction.

Whoa, didnt think
youd actually do it, Doofenshmirtz said in awe, Well, curse
you, Perry the Platypus! Youve foiled my plans again!

Thats because
youre not a true villain, said a mysterious voice.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz
turned to see what was making that sound. It sounded like a teenager
had broken in his lab.

Oh, please dont
tell me Vanessa got a boyfriend, he said in agony, I was really
hoping she wouldnt rush into another after her last one dumped
her. You know what Im saying, Perry? I swear, teenaged girls
have no sense of responsibility.

Perry knew this all too
well. Candace was a prime example. Shed spend her life going
after a guy who hardly even noticed her, and it was thanks to her
obsession with busting her brothers that she never really got a
chance with him.

But today was sure to
be different, it had to be, right?

At that very moment, a
young boy with waving golden hair, a slim build and terrible posture
entered the room wearing beach clothes and said, Dr. Heinz
Doofenshmirtz, youre finished.

At this time, the
doorbell rang as Candace squealed with excitement and ran to greet
the man of her dreams. She skipped merrily and opened the door
only to be disappointed when she found Stacy had come over instead.

Hi, Candace! she
shouted with glee, Im here to help you get ready for your
date!

Oh yeah, Candace
said, How could I forget about the most important part of this
date, my fashion sense? Well, come on, lets not waste our time.

Say, your brothers
are building a rocket thingy in the back, Stacy said as Candace
remarked, I know, but honestly, I dont care this time.

Thats so unlike
you, Stacy said as Candace closed the front door.

The brothers and
Phineas would-be girlfriend had just about made the finishing
touches on the rocket. It was very well-done and detailed, you could
hardly tell it even was a rocket. It was more of a masterpiece than
anything.

Alright, were
almost completely done, Phineas said, all we need is a fuel
tank.

He blinked and all was
silent as he asked, So, Ferb, wheres the fuel tank?

Ferb shrugged as
Isabella suggested, Well, we could buy one at a nearby store that
sells rocket parts.

Great idea,
Isabella, Phineas replied as the two ran off to find their rocket
fuel.

Doofenshmirtz was not
prepared for this unexpected visit. He had just been told that he
was finished! How dare this complete stranger tell him such a thing?

Alright, you will no
longer be dating my daughter anymore, you understand!? he spat as
the boy rolled his eyes and said, Look, Doofenshmirtz, I am not
dating you daughter, who by the way is very hot. Im simply here
to take over your lab and become the citys new villain.

Oh, okay,
Doofenshmirtz said calmly as he thought about this for about 10
seconds before his eyes widened.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN RUN
ME OUT OF TOWN!? he barked as the boy replied, I never said I
was gonna run you out of town. Anyway, this city needs a REAL
villain. Youre just a you know

A what?
Doofenshmirtz remarked, A super genius with a brain the size of an
extra large genius burger with extra fries on the side?

No, youre a
has-been, the boy stated, Come on, all of your evil plans stink
and fail, all because of a platypus. And come on, vaporizing cows?
That is the most generic thing I have ever seen a villain do.

Well, what are your
oh-so-incredibly evil plans, huh? Doofenshmirtz asked in a snide
tone as the boy said, If you must know, my plan is to take over
the entire world in minutes, and I know how to do it.

Perry couldnt
believe what he was hearing. He couldnt allow someone this evil
to take over the business. He had spent his career taking down
Doofenshmirtz. Thats what he excelled at. This new guy would
have been a huge adjustment to his schedule.

You know, theres
something I wanna know, Doofenshmirtz said, What is your name?
I must know so that while Im kicking your butt, Ill be able to
taunt you properly.

My name is Young
Professor Hansen Yonsen Dura Blitzen Cameltoe Munoliciousonastick
Brandon, but you may just call me Brandon, the boy said rather
smugly.

Doofenshmirtz was
silent. This was a good evil name, alright, and a little confusing
to boot. Well, now was not the time to admire his new foe. Now was
the time to kick his butt back to where he came from.

So you think youre
the ultimate villain? he asked in song, Well you havent got
a single clue. Im the true villain in this city, and nothing will
stop that from being true.

Come on, dont kid
yourself, Brandon said, Youre as washed up as the city of
Atlantis. You cant handle the simplest of all tasks, you dont
even know what a good plan is. I can show you deeds of dastardly
evil that will blow you off your feet. Youll stare in awe and
realize that my plans are incredibly neat.

Listen here you smug
little sauerkraut, Doofenshmirtz retorted, Im gonna say this
only one time: leave this town and never return. Wow, its hard
making this rhyme. The thing you need to understand, Ive been
here from the start. There is no way my evil lair and I will ever
part! JUST LIVE WITH IT!

No I wont,
Brandon said, I wont let you disgrace the name of villains as
we know it, youre an embarrassment to the human race. You dont
deserve to be in this town, you gotta get moving on, for now its
time to make way for the true villainy Don!

Oh, that was
clever! Doofenshmirtz replied in shock, but nevertheless, I
will defeat you then take care of Perry the Platypus!

Perry was so confused.
He never would have imagined that two villains would duke it out, and
now he was seeing it first hand. Well, what was he to do? How could
he stop this?

He couldnt so he
grabbed a bag of popcorn, heated it up and poured himself a bowl.

So glad you could
stick around, Doofenshmirtz said, Youre going to witness the
real villain in action.

And now that the
titles meaning has become more obvious, we put this chapter to a
close, but look forward to future ones for it only gets more
interesting from here.